Feedback for Muhammad Patel

Evaluation Feedback

Muhammad Patel

A good first draft Muhammad showing promise!

Introduction – Good and straight to the point! Audience section needs to be more concise so use bullet points rather than full sentences. Powerpoints aren’t intended for full text in this way.

Q1: Genre – good use of video but you don’t finish what you’re saying! Are you intending to re-do this bit?
If you wanted you could explain music video conventions through spider diagram rather than text.
Good use of genre quotes/theory! You could always use a director’s commentary to apply the conventions to your video instead of the lengthy paragraph you’ve used. You could also use stills from the video and annotate them the discus these conventions further.
Don’t try to shoe horn theory in! The reference to Laura Mulvey is not entirely relevant as you have not presented her in a voyeuristic way to attract males. Surely women wuld be more interested in this genre of music and she would be more of a female role model than an object of male gaze.
Use a spider diagram or something more visual to explain things like ideology. You need to break up all the text – this is turning into an essay on a blog which is what the exam board don’t want!
Representation – compare her to other similar artists – strong females etc – use stills. Consider how you have constructed her representation – choice of media language to show her as empowered and typical of the folk/pop genre.
Perhaps you could present the comparison between your video and a real video as a table to show direct comparison rather than a paragraph of text.
Good presentation of ancillary texts – you need to be this concise and interactive in the way you analyse the video too!

Q2: Brand Image – Good use of powerpoints. Again limit writing to bullet points.
Logo powerpoint needs to be more concise – key phrases/points rather than one detailed paragraph on powerpoint.
You need to discuss hoe you have created a cohesive brand image across all of your texts. How do they all link together?

Q3 & 4? – Audience and Technologies
Where are the answer for these? I notice you have included the audience feedback video, questionnaires and graphs but you need to actually use your findings to discuss how you attracted the audience and whether you were successful in this.

Conclusion
You should write one. 2/3 good and bad points about your product and reflect on what you’ve learnt through the project from first year and also what you’ve learnt about yourself also.

Mrs A